Saturday, May 23, 2009

A New Experience for an Autism Mom

Jordan on his new-to-him bed, that he still hasn't slept in.
Jordan on his new-to-him bed that he still hasn't slept on

Yesterday Jordan climbed up on my lap, sat up straight, looked up at me and smiled, looked around the room, at his dad and brother, and grinned at me again. I was talking with my husband, smiled down at Jordan, and kept talking with Jonathan. I kept looking between Jordan and Jonathan as I talked. Jordan just sat there, content as could be smiling and looking around. Something seemed odd to me, but I was talking and didn’t stop to think about it or really even notice, it was just a vague feeling – something was odd. Then it hit me. Jordan, was sitting on my lap – nothing new there, he’s clung to me for dear life for 2 years. That’s what was odd – he wasn’t clinging. He wasn’t fearful. He wasn’t in pain. He wasn’t sullen. He didn’t NEED me. He was just enjoying being near me. He wasn’t demanding anything of me – no attention or comfort or desperation. Just sitting on my leg while I talked with my husband. Could this be my boy? What a change! This was a first. He’s 26 months old. First time he’s been happy to be near me, but not needed me. Relaxed. No tension. No crisis. Not dependent. That’s new. That’s exciting. That’s a relief.  Of course, we won’t experience this everyday. But getting to experience it once was great and gives us hope for the future, that it will happen again, and more frequently.

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