|Jordan on his new-to-him bed that he still hasn't slept on|
Yesterday Jordan climbed up on my lap, sat up straight, looked up at me and smiled, looked around the room, at his dad and brother, and grinned at me again. I was talking with my husband, smiled down at Jordan, and kept talking with Jonathan. I kept looking between Jordan and Jonathan as I talked. Jordan just sat there, content as could be smiling and looking around. Something seemed odd to me, but I was talking and didn’t stop to think about it or really even notice, it was just a vague feeling – something was odd. Then it hit me. Jordan, was sitting on my lap – nothing new there, he’s clung to me for dear life for 2 years. That’s what was odd – he wasn’t clinging. He wasn’t fearful. He wasn’t in pain. He wasn’t sullen. He didn’t NEED me. He was just enjoying being near me. He wasn’t demanding anything of me – no attention or comfort or desperation. Just sitting on my leg while I talked with my husband. Could this be my boy? What a change! This was a first. He’s 26 months old. First time he’s been happy to be near me, but not needed me. Relaxed. No tension. No crisis. Not dependent. That’s new. That’s exciting. That’s a relief. Of course, we won’t experience this everyday. But getting to experience it once was great and gives us hope for the future, that it will happen again, and more frequently.